Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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