She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The Olympian is in my bed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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