I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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