It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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