I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
