i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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