Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
