i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
