Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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