you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
