We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Boobs speak an international language.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
