the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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