tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
