just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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