I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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