Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
