uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
