All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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