I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When are your genitals available?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
