I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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