Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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