I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
