just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
