i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
