I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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