when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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