she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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