you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
