You work out of a Hotel?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I could fuck to npr.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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