no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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