Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
