i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
