My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
