btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
