I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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