My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
