; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
