the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
