come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
