Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
