Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
