I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
