Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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