I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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