I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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