I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
