i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
