I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
