it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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