i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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