i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
