woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You are a genius and a whore.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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