He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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