Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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