Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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