wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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