nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
