I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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