so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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