are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize