I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
