We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
