If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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