I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
