You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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