i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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