I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
