the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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