OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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