i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
