I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
