I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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