Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
its liver damage thursday
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
