I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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