You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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