Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
