At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
