Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
